by Roosevelt Steinway




You can fool some of the people all of the time but oral sex is still surprisingly expensive

Sorry I’m late… I was on the toilet all morning with the beefies

Childhood was a breeze, what with Papa’s weakness for Mexican snatch

Avoid Everything Bagels, because they really do lead to the harder stuff

Excuse me, but are you the woman they call the human garbage bucket?

My son Lousy has low self-esteem for some reason

The best part of blacking out is-

I have no problem with gays in the military but I do feel they should be banned from deep-space exploration

Everything you do is Zen- except that

“Guilty, Your Honor, but it’s a great story…”

My wife and I made a deal: she stops serving me pancakes and I stop 
freeking Japanese teens

‘Nana’s medication’ is not a food group

Somedays I feel like the last dyslexic in Alphabet City

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