What exactly is this website about?
It’s pretty much everything you need to know about life in this galaxy. Humor. Movies, TV, music, truth… and stupidity on a level so staggering it actually makes sense. And yes, there’s depravity and outrageous sexual exploits that will send blood rushing to your genitals, leaving you dizzy and in need of a moist towelette. There’s also a neat-o comic strip!
Will I need to visit your site faithfully in order to fit in socially and attract the opposite sex?
Yep. This is where you join the conga line… if you don’t check here every hour on the hour you will find your friends using words you don’t understand, words like “grote” and “loy.” You’ll find you’re no longer being invited to parties and no one will return your texts. Your sex life will be reduced to furious masturbation to TV’s Brooke Burke. Same for the guys…
Do women really deserve the right to vote?
Of course not.
Can I win things by clicking?
What are you- retarded? Get out of here!
How does this site work?
We’ve gathered some of the strangest human beings on the planet in order to share their stories with you, to help keep you awake during the numbing hours spent in the prison of your workplace. In this way, we make your life better.
Where do you get your ideas?
Our ideas come from a warehouse in Secaucus, New Jersey. A small German man carries them out in lunchboxes and ships them to us via bike messenger. Just kidding. We pull our ideas from our very own think-boxes, and while the dangerous amounts of cough syrup add to the rainbow, we’re keeping all the credit for ourselves.
How long have you guys been doing this?
Why are you so curious? Now who’s asking the questions?
I seem to have lost the will to live… is there any reason for carrying on?
Just remember, that in spite of our wars, our economic depression, the pain and suffering in the world that we must face every day, in spite of the ever-present heartache in which most of us lead our lives… throughout all the sadness and despite all our failures, the Wendy’s Junior Bacon remains reasonably priced at just .99 cents.
I’m a big fan of the Jay Leno program, and I was wondering if-
Do you guys like Hawaiian Pizza?
Pineapple on a pizza pie is a sin against nature. Go home and tell your Mother you’re a failure.
Is sleeping with my sister technically considered incest?
Oh. My. God.
Alectricity! Isn’t that a shock!
What makes you guys different from the other humor websites out there?
Why should I take a chance on you guys?
Because ABBA said so.
I’m skeptical, and need constant reassurance… can your site really be as great as you claim?
Yes. And perhaps your insecurity stems from the time your parents abandoned you at the arcade when you were 9 years old. Just relax… everyone here loves you.
So, in conclusion, this is the greatest site to ever grace the web and I should probably bookmark it right now.
That wasn’t a question, but yes… you’re home. Welcome.